When I sat down with my best friend for dinner earlier this year, it only took a few seconds to read her mood as “completely dejected”.
With a bit of prodding, she explained how things were going in her job as a graphic designer — namely: very badly. She felt like most of the work she gave her boss was terrible, a perspective stemming from being overwhelmed by negative feedback.
“Does it make sense to stick it out when it’s going this wrong? Maybe working as a graphic designer isn’t where I’m supposed to be.”
I understood the foundation of what she was saying: when something doesn’t fit right, you shouldn’t force it. But I didn’t think that was what was happening to her; she’s an incredibly gifted artist.
As she talked, it seemed that her perspective was something she could adjust with practice. Developing her Emotional Intelligence (EQ) to give context to the negative feedback was the first order of business.
Linking confidence and EQ
According to TerraYou, there are five different aspects of EQ: Personal Insight, Interpersonal Relationships, Emotional Regulation, Empathy, and Social Intelligence. As my friend and I talked, I noted her weakest aspects were Personal Insight and Emotional Regulation.
She described her most recent feedback session with little nuance: a Personal Insight red flag. She struggled to articulate exactly what she felt in those sessions and didn’t seem able to put her finger on how her lack of confidence was affecting her ability to move forward.
Meaning she considered constructive feedback to be a reflection of her as an artist. Little wonder she was losing her motivation to do the thing she loved.
Luckily, there are ways to develop your EQ, which is exactly what I told her. Borrowing from the PDF premium report, I suggested the ego-free listening exercise, which would be perfect for her next feedback discussion. In this exercise, you divorce your emotions and your ego from the conversation, responding to facts rather than implications.
The 6-minute modifier exercise was also particularly relevant. She just needed to cycle through emotion checks, strengths and weaknesses checks, and goal setting among other things to remember why she wanted to be a professional artist.
You see, Emotional Intelligence isn’t something you’re either born with or you’re not. It’s something you can develop! Just like any muscle, if you use it often, it gets stronger, while the opposite occurs if you don’t.
Navigate the world with confidence
My bestie didn’t give up graphic design.
In the months since we had that conversation, she applied herself to developing her EQ. The way she feels now after getting feedback on her art is unrecognizable to the way it was when I had that conversation with her over dinner.
There are so many techniques out there to grow your Emotional Intelligence; it’s just about finding what works for you as an individual and speaks to your struggles in this phase of your growth. Just like my bestie did, developing your EQ helps you get in control of not just how you feel, but how you relate to and navigate the world.
If you’re curious where your Emotional Intelligence stands, check out TerraYou’s EQ test and get your instant score. Dive even deeper and get access to your premium report and gain insight into techniques, exercises, and other resources to help you thrive.
